Two things tend to happen in our sex lives when we are emotionally disconnected:
That being said, it is more common to feel sexually disconnected when there is an emotional disconnection.
Neither approach is right or wrong—they are just differences in preference and how someone connects to others.
The hard part comes in when one partner wants sex to reconnect, and the other partner wants to reconnect before sex. The conversation between couples often ends up being about whether or not to have sex instead of the desire to reconnect. This often makes both partners feel pushed away from each other, not valued or wanted, and can create more distance. The key point to remember is that both partners are longing to be reconnected and close again. Couples therapy can help change this pattern, help you understand each other, and help you change the conversation from sex to the underlying mutual desire for connection.
Elizabeth Polinsky is a marriage and couple therapist specializing in working with military members, veterans, and their families. Liz is located in Norfolk, Virginia, and provides online counseling services throughout Virginia, South Carolina, and Arkansas.
My podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are general information for educational purposes only; they are not psychotherapy and not a replacement for therapy. The information provided does not constitute the formation of a therapist-patient relationship. You should consult your doctor or mental health provider regarding advice and support for your health and well being. I cannot answer questions regarding your specific situation. If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, you should call 911, report to your local ER, or call the National Crisis Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Nothing I post should be considered professional advice. The information in my podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not intended to be therapy or psychological advice. The podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not a request for a testimonial, rating, or endorsement from clients regarding counseling. If you are a current or former client/ patient, please remember that your comments may jeopardize your confidentiality. I will not “friend” or “follow” current or past clients to honor ethical boundaries and privacy; nor will I respond to comments or messages through social media or other platforms from current or past clients. Current and past client’s should only contact me through the professional contact information provided on the website. Lastly, accounts may be managed by multiple people. Therefore, comments and messages are monitored by staff and are not confidential.
The Communicate & Connect Podcast
In Communicate & Connect For Military Relationships, I provide educational tips for relationships, communication, and navigating military family life.