A romantic relationship is simultaneously the source of the greatest security and comfort, while being the scariest and riskiest place to be vulnerable. When someone is the most important person in the world, it is only natural to feel insecure.
When we are emotionally disconnected, we feel more insecure in relationships.
This is because emotionally safe and close connections are necessary for humans to live full lives. Everyone needs a strong connection to at least one other person. As children this is usually a connection to parents or siblings. As we grow up, this may changes to close friends. For most people, this important person is usually their spouse or romantic partner.
Humans are biologically hardwired for connection. When we don’t have connection, it can cause a host of medical and mental health challenges. And the loss of a connection can be traumatic—in fact, it is well researched that going though a break up can cause trauma symptoms similar to PTSD but on a smaller scale.
Because of the importance of this connection, the idea of being disconnected from my partner is inherently terrifying. This can cause a lot of fear, anxiety, depression, guilt, and embarrassment.
It is normal to feel insecure and have strong emotional reactions when the relationship bond is threatened with disconnection.
The key to managing this insecurity is building a relationship where sharing vulnerability is valued and treasured. It is through shared vulnerability that we can increase our emotional connection, and repair the relationship when there has been a moment of disconnection. Couple therapy can help you take the risk to be vulnerable while also training you how to create the emotional safety for you partner to be vulnerable with you.
Elizabeth Polinsky is a marriage and couple therapist specializing in working with military members, veterans, and their families. Liz is located in Norfolk, Virginia, and provides online counseling services throughout Virginia, South Carolina, and Arkansas.
My podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are general information for educational purposes only; they are not psychotherapy and not a replacement for therapy. The information provided does not constitute the formation of a therapist-patient relationship. You should consult your doctor or mental health provider regarding advice and support for your health and well being. I cannot answer questions regarding your specific situation. If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, you should call 911, report to your local ER, or call the National Crisis Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Nothing I post should be considered professional advice. The information in my podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not intended to be therapy or psychological advice. The podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not a request for a testimonial, rating, or endorsement from clients regarding counseling. If you are a current or former client/ patient, please remember that your comments may jeopardize your confidentiality. I will not “friend” or “follow” current or past clients to honor ethical boundaries and privacy; nor will I respond to comments or messages through social media or other platforms from current or past clients. Current and past client’s should only contact me through the professional contact information provided on the website. Lastly, accounts may be managed by multiple people. Therefore, comments and messages are monitored by staff and are not confidential.
1/12/2021 11:06:54 pm
I do agree that it is important for couples to feel emotionally secure and safe in their relationship. It is wonderful that this post assured us that couples counselling can help couples achieve this goal. The other day my friend mentioned he and his wife are going through a rough patch, mostly triggered by jealousy and insecurity. I will recommend them to consider couples counselling to help their relationship.
3/29/2021 04:27:30 pm
I appreciate this information about couples therapy. My sister and her husband are unhappy. I'll tell her about he advantages of couples therapy.
6/2/2021 09:30:09 am
My wife and I have been having a hard time with our relationship. It makes sense that getting a couples counselor would be really beneficial. I'll talk with one that has experience with things like this.
6/2/2021 05:04:06 pm
I am grateful that this post pointed out that marriage counselling is excellent to help couples deal with feelings of insecurity. The other day my sister-in-law shared that she is looking to hire a counsellor to help improve their marriage. I will advise to hire someone certified and credible.
8/25/2021 01:50:52 pm
I like that you mentioned that humans are hardwired for connection. My sister is having problems with her husband. She says she thinks she isn't cut out to be in a relationship with someone. I think she is wrong and just needs to work on it.
9/13/2021 09:25:42 am
My friend has been having a hard time taking care of his business, and he's not sure what to do. It makes sense that he would want to get the proper counseling for him! I'll be sure to get a professional to help out with that.
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The Communicate & Connect Podcast
In Communicate & Connect For Military Relationships, I provide educational tips for relationships, communication, and navigating military family life.
Hey, I'm Elizabeth "Liz" Polinsky and I am a marriage counselor in Virginia Beach. I provide online counseling across the states of VA, SC, AR, and NV.