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What's the best way to handle finances as a couple? This is the fifth episode of a series on Getting Ready for Marriage. In this podcast episode, Elizabeth Polinsky discusses the importance of being on the same page with your couple finances.
IN THIS PODCAST
SUMMARY:
MAIN POINTS:
1. Why I am doing this series on Getting Ready for Marriage: It’s wedding season now and I had a wedding photographer reach out to me asking me to provide some tips for couples getting married. I created an entire checklist for her with the things I think are foundational for getting ready for marriage and starting off your marriage on the right foot. If you want the checklist, you can download it here!
2. Research on couples and money:
According to a new survey by Ramsey Solutions:
Transparency is one of the biggest skills needed for marriage." -- Elizabeth Polinsky
3. Three ways of handling money:
You could do joint accounts, separate accounts, a mixture. I recommend at least one joint account for military couples. If you have separate accounts, consider putting a percentage or specific amount into a joint account. If you start off with a joint account; maybe consider having an amount or percentage to use for personal use. Generally good to have a mixture in case you want to get a surprise gift or something just for yourself while still making finances a team effort. 
4. Decide on a budget together:
Sign up for Liz's FREE Relationship Email Course!!
Liz's Useful Links:
Podcast Sponsor: The Relate Assessment is the most comprehensive relationship assessment in the world and is based on 10 predictors of marital stability. It’s supported by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and is the one my husband and I used during our premarital couples counseling. To get 20% off the assessment, go to https://relateinstitute.com/ and enter “POLINSKY20”. Thanks for listening! 
Elizabeth Polinsky is a marriage and couple therapist specializing in working with military members, veterans, and their families. Liz is located in Norfolk, Virginia, and provides online counseling services throughout Virginia, South Carolina, and Arkansas.
DISCLAIMER: My podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are general information for educational purposes only; they are not psychotherapy and not a replacement for therapy. The information provided does not constitute the formation of a therapist-patient relationship. You should consult your doctor or mental health provider regarding advice and support for your health and well being. I cannot answer questions regarding your specific situation. If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, you should call 911, report to your local ER, or call the National Crisis Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Nothing I post should be considered professional advice. The information in my podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not intended to be therapy or psychological advice. The podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not a request for a testimonial, rating, or endorsement from clients regarding counseling. If you are a current or former client/ patient, please remember that your comments may jeopardize your confidentiality. I will not “friend” or “follow” current or past clients to honor ethical boundaries and privacy; nor will I respond to comments or messages through social media or other platforms from current or past clients. Current and past client’s should only contact me through the professional contact information provided on the website. Lastly, accounts may be managed by multiple people. Therefore, comments and messages are monitored by staff and are not confidential.
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Do you know your relationship values? Are they the same as your partner's relationship values? This is the fourth episode of a series on Getting Ready for Marriage. In this podcast episode, Elizabeth Polinsky discusses the importance of knowing your personal values, your relationship values, and how to determine your relationship values together with your partner.
IN THIS PODCAST
SUMMARY:
MAIN POINTS:
1. Why I am doing this series on Getting Ready for Marriage: It’s wedding season now and I had a wedding photographer reach out to me asking me to provide some tips for couples getting married. I created an entire checklist for her with the things I think are foundational for getting ready for marriage and starting off your marriage on the right foot. If you want the checklist, you can download it here!
2. My Relationship Fail Moment:
Last thanksgiving, my husband and I were on a walk and came across an unmanned hot chocolate stand. My husband joked about stealing a marshmallow from the hot chocolate stand, and later that night I yelled at him and tell him how he wasn't a good man because he would consider stealing a marshmallow. This was a relationship fail on my part because I had let my anger build up instead of talking about the issue when it was happening. Looking back now, we see it as a funny story. But at the time, I was anger that he would even THINK about the possibility of stealing a marshmallow. My level of anger was related to my personal values, and thinking that my husband and I did not share the same values. More on this in a little bit... Values are about what you want to stand for in life" -- Elizabeth Polinsky
3. What are Personal Values:
Values are qualities of being that are important for who you are and what you want to stand for in life. For example, you could value curiosity, adventure, honesty, service, community, etc. For me, with the marshmallows, my personal values of honesty and respect were at play. Being respectful of other's property is important to me even if it is a marshmallow! So when my husband had the joke about stealing the marshmallow, it signaled to me that he didn't value respect the same way I did--and that was very frustrating. In relationships it is helpful to know your personal values as well as your partner's personal values because differences in values can be a source of conflict in relationships. If you can both identify your personal values and discuss them together, then maybe you can avoid marshmallow incident like what we had! It's important to know that your core values typically don't change over you life, although the priority might change over your life. For example, a value of service may always be important, but if you have young children then caring for them may be a higher priority than service while they are very young. It doesn't mean that the value of service isn't still a core value though. If you aren't sure what your personal values are, you can check out this list of personal values from Dr. Russ Harris as well as the youtube video below to help you figure out your personal life values.
4. Figuring out your relationship values.
In relationships it is important to be a team. It is important to decide together as a team what you want your family to stand for, what your your collective family core values will be. This may be different or similar to your personal core values. Examples of family values could be loyalty, financial stability, etc. There is something called an ACT Matrix that comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to help you determine your values. I go over how to use the ACT Matrix for your relationship in the YouTube Video below: You can Download the worksheet here!! This worksheet has the example worksheet I did in the youtube video, as well as a blank worksheet for you and your partner to fill out together! In the worksheet, you and your partner together ask yourselves these 5 questions:
Action Steps:
Download the worksheet for determining your relationship values here!
Podcast Sponsor: The Adventure Challenge is a mysterious scratch off book of 50 unique and creative adventures. You don't know what you're doing until you scratch it off! The goal is to inspire connection in your relationships through adventures and fun. There are 3 editions--one for couples, one for families, and one for friends. If you are feeling in a rut in your relationships and in need of adventure, this is a perfect book to get out outside of your normal routine and into fun experiences aimed at bringing you closer together. To get 15% off the adventure challenge, go to https://www.theadventurechallenge.com/discount/CONNECT15 or enter “CONNECT15”. Thanks for Listening! 
Elizabeth Polinsky is a marriage and couple therapist specializing in working with military members, veterans, and their families. Liz is located in Norfolk, Virginia, and provides online counseling services throughout Virginia, South Carolina, and Arkansas.
DISCLAIMER: My podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are general information for educational purposes only; they are not psychotherapy and not a replacement for therapy. The information provided does not constitute the formation of a therapist-patient relationship. You should consult your doctor or mental health provider regarding advice and support for your health and well being. I cannot answer questions regarding your specific situation. If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, you should call 911, report to your local ER, or call the National Crisis Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Nothing I post should be considered professional advice. The information in my podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not intended to be therapy or psychological advice. The podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not a request for a testimonial, rating, or endorsement from clients regarding counseling. If you are a current or former client/ patient, please remember that your comments may jeopardize your confidentiality. I will not “friend” or “follow” current or past clients to honor ethical boundaries and privacy; nor will I respond to comments or messages through social media or other platforms from current or past clients. Current and past client’s should only contact me through the professional contact information provided on the website. Lastly, accounts may be managed by multiple people. Therefore, comments and messages are monitored by staff and are not confidential.
What's my number one tips for marriage? This is the third episode of a series on Getting Ready for Marriage. In this podcast episode, Elizabeth Polinsky discusses the importance of marriage meetings and how to have them.
IN THIS PODCAST
SUMMARY:
MAIN POINTS:
1. Why I am doing this series on Getting Ready for Marriage: It’s wedding season now and I had a wedding photographer reach out to me asking me to provide some tips for couples getting married. I created an entire checklist for her with the things I think are foundational for getting ready for marriage and starting off your marriage on the right foot. If you want the checklist, you can download it here!
2. My story with marriage meetings:
In past relationships I was always someone who couldn't let things go--especially if I was feeling anxious or worried that there was a conflict between me and my partner. I would bring things up over and over again. I would end up having a hard time just enjoying my quality time with my partner until things felt resolved--but of course it rarely felt resolved because there was never a good time to discuss it. Then my friend sent me a podcast called multiamory where they went over relationship RADAR meetings. I loved the idea of doing monthly relationship meetings, and when I started dating my husband (before I became a couple therapist) we began doing these meetings just a few months after starting to date. We still do them now and it is one of the most important things we do together that helps make our relationship work. Marriage meeting help you put things on the back-burner so you can be more present and enjoy your time together." -- Elizabeth Polinsky
3. Why have marriage meetings?
4. Typical Marriage Meeting Agenda:
Action Steps:
Download the template I use for my marriage check-in meetings and try one out with your partner here!
Podcast Sponsor: The Relate Assessment is the most comprehensive relationship assessment in the world and is based on 10 predictors of marital stability. It’s supported by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and is the one my husband and I used during our premarital couples counseling. To get 20% off the assessment, go to https://relateinstitute.com/ and enter “POLINSKY20”. Thanks for listening! 
Elizabeth Polinsky is a marriage and couple therapist specializing in working with military members, veterans, and their families. Liz is located in Norfolk, Virginia, and provides online counseling services throughout Virginia, South Carolina, and Arkansas. DISCLAIMER: My podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are general information for educational purposes only; they are not psychotherapy and not a replacement for therapy. The information provided does not constitute the formation of a therapist-patient relationship. You should consult your doctor or mental health provider regarding advice and support for your health and well being. I cannot answer questions regarding your specific situation. If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, you should call 911, report to your local ER, or call the National Crisis Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Nothing I post should be considered professional advice. The information in my podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not intended to be therapy or psychological advice. The podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not a request for a testimonial, rating, or endorsement from clients regarding counseling. If you are a current or former client/ patient, please remember that your comments may jeopardize your confidentiality. I will not “friend” or “follow” current or past clients to honor ethical boundaries and privacy; nor will I respond to comments or messages through social media or other platforms from current or past clients. Current and past client’s should only contact me through the professional contact information provided on the website. Lastly, accounts may be managed by multiple people. Therefore, comments and messages are monitored by staff and are not confidential.
In this podcast episode, Elizabeth Polinsky discusses premarital intensives as a way you can get all your premarital counseling done in one day!
IN THIS PODCAST
SUMMARY:
MAIN POINTS:
1. Interested in a one-day premarital intensive? Learn more about premarital intensives with Elizabeth Polinsky at her counseling website here. 2. Win a free premarital counseling intensive! Enter the raffle to win a free premarital counseling intensive by visiting one of these bridal shows:
Both are located at the Virginia Beach Convention Center. Make sure to stop by the booth for The Relationship Center of Hampton Roads.
Liz's Useful Links:
Elizabeth Polinsky is a marriage and couple therapist specializing in working with military members, veterans, and their families. Liz is located in Norfolk, Virginia, and provides online counseling services throughout Virginia, South Carolina, and Arkansas.
DISCLAIMER: My podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are general information for educational purposes only; they are not psychotherapy and not a replacement for therapy. The information provided does not constitute the formation of a therapist-patient relationship. You should consult your doctor or mental health provider regarding advice and support for your health and well being. I cannot answer questions regarding your specific situation. If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, you should call 911, report to your local ER, or call the National Crisis Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Nothing I post should be considered professional advice. The information in my podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not intended to be therapy or psychological advice. The podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not a request for a testimonial, rating, or endorsement from clients regarding counseling. If you are a current or former client/ patient, please remember that your comments may jeopardize your confidentiality. I will not “friend” or “follow” current or past clients to honor ethical boundaries and privacy; nor will I respond to comments or messages through social media or other platforms from current or past clients. Current and past client’s should only contact me through the professional contact information provided on the website. Lastly, accounts may be managed by multiple people. Therefore, comments and messages are monitored by staff and are not confidential.
How can you know if you are compatible for marriage? This is the second episode of a series on Getting Ready for Marriage. In this podcast episode, Elizabeth Polinsky discusses the tools and conversations to have to help you decide if you are compatible for marriage.
IN THIS PODCAST
SUMMARY:
MAIN POINTS: 1. Why I am doing this series on Getting Ready for Marriage: It’s wedding season now and I had a wedding photographer reach out to me asking me to provide some tips for couples getting married. I created an entire checklist for her with the things I think are foundational for getting ready for marriage and starting off your marriage on the right foot. If you want the checklist, you can download it here!
2. My story with incompatible relationship partners:
In my family tree for the past 3-4 generations, there have been patterns of unavailable men, single moms, alcoholism, obesity, military service, and multi-generational trauma. I had to work with a therapist to recognize how my habits of selecting dating partners were unknowingly replicated the patterns of my family tree, and I worked with a therapist to start changing the pattern and start choosing different types of romantic partners. Once I started changing the pattern and picking different people, I found my husband <3. 
3. Relationship assessments and compatibility for marriage:
Relationship assessments are research validated tools to assess your relationship strengths and weaknesses. The first three are the only three recommended by the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, but the Gottman one is often popular as well.
I always recommend the RELATE relationship assessment because you can get the results directly without needing a therapist too interpret the results for you" -- Elizabeth Polinsky
4. Understanding your family patterns and compatibility for marriage:
Many things run in families and you see them happen generation after generation. Knowing what patterns run in your family, as well as your partner's family, can help prepare you to try to prevent the same patterns happening in your relationship. A marriage and family therapist can help you build a family tree to better understand your family patterns and how that could impact your relationship. You can also download this form here to start discussing this with your partner! Patterns to discuss include:
Action Steps:
Discuss plan for which patterns you want to change and how you may go about that as a couple. Download this fillable worksheet to get you started.
Liz's Useful Links:
Podcast Sponsor: The Adventure Challenge is a mysterious scratch off book of 50 unique and creative adventures. You don't know what you're doing until you scratch it off! The goal is to inspire connection in your relationships through adventures and fun. There are 3 editions--one for couples, one for families, and one for friends. If you are feeling in a rut in your relationships and in need of adventure, this is a perfect book to get out outside of your normal routine and into fun experiences aimed at bringing you closer together. To get 15% off the adventure challenge, go to https://www.theadventurechallenge.com/discount/CONNECT15 or enter “CONNECT15”. Thanks for Listening! 
Elizabeth Polinsky is a marriage and couple therapist specializing in working with military members, veterans, and their families. Liz is located in Norfolk, Virginia, and provides online counseling services throughout Virginia, South Carolina, and Arkansas.
DISCLAIMER: My podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are general information for educational purposes only; they are not psychotherapy and not a replacement for therapy. The information provided does not constitute the formation of a therapist-patient relationship. You should consult your doctor or mental health provider regarding advice and support for your health and well being. I cannot answer questions regarding your specific situation. If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, you should call 911, report to your local ER, or call the National Crisis Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Nothing I post should be considered professional advice. The information in my podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not intended to be therapy or psychological advice. The podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not a request for a testimonial, rating, or endorsement from clients regarding counseling. If you are a current or former client/ patient, please remember that your comments may jeopardize your confidentiality. I will not “friend” or “follow” current or past clients to honor ethical boundaries and privacy; nor will I respond to comments or messages through social media or other platforms from current or past clients. Current and past client’s should only contact me through the professional contact information provided on the website. Lastly, accounts may be managed by multiple people. Therefore, comments and messages are monitored by staff and are not confidential. How can you best prepare for marriage? This is the first episode of a series on Getting Ready for Marriage. In this podcast episode, Elizabeth Polinsky discusses the conversations to have before marriage. IN THIS PODCAST
SUMMARY:
MAIN POINTS:
1. Why I am doing this series on Getting Ready for Marriage: It’s wedding season now and I had a wedding photographer reach out to me asking me to provide some tips for couples getting married. I created an entire checklist for her with the things I think are foundational for getting ready for marriage and starting off your marriage on the right foot. If you want the checklist, you can download it here! It’s really common for people to get married without going over the foundational conversations needed to be prepared for marriage”. -- Elizabeth Polinsky
2. Why it is important to have marriage prep conversations before you get marriage.
There are a lot of topics that couples have difficulty finding a compromise on and these are important to talk about before you get married--whether you both want kids, whether or not you both find marriage to be important, whether you want to be monogamous or non-mongoamous, etc. For me , the topic was about my career and kids. I dated someone who was not willing to move from the area for my career progression and didn’t want kids. I am SOOOO glad we discussed this before getting married! It would have sucked to find this out after we were already married. It is important to have fulfillment and personal identity when even in a marriage.” -- Elizabeth Polinsky 
3. Top conversations to have before marriage.
It is so much more painful after you get married to find out that there was a big secret.” -- Elizabeth Polinsky
Action Steps:
Discuss kids, career, sex, and money with your partner. This is helpful to talk about no matter what stage of the relationship you are in--especially if you haven’t discussed these topics before.
Sign up for Liz's FREE Relationship Email Course!!
Liz's Useful Links:
Podcast Sponsor: The Relate Assessment is the most comprehensive relationship assessment in the world and is based on 10 predictors of marital stability. It’s supported by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and is the one my husband and I used during our premarital couples counseling. To get 20% off the assessment, go to https://relateinstitute.com/ and enter “POLINSKY20”.
Elizabeth Polinsky is a marriage and couple therapist specializing in working with military members, veterans, and their families. Liz is located in Norfolk, Virginia, and provides online counseling services throughout Virginia, South Carolina, and Arkansas.
DISCLAIMER: My podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are general information for educational purposes only; they are not psychotherapy and not a replacement for therapy. The information provided does not constitute the formation of a therapist-patient relationship. You should consult your doctor or mental health provider regarding advice and support for your health and well being. I cannot answer questions regarding your specific situation. If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, you should call 911, report to your local ER, or call the National Crisis Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Nothing I post should be considered professional advice. The information in my podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not intended to be therapy or psychological advice. The podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not a request for a testimonial, rating, or endorsement from clients regarding counseling. If you are a current or former client/ patient, please remember that your comments may jeopardize your confidentiality. I will not “friend” or “follow” current or past clients to honor ethical boundaries and privacy; nor will I respond to comments or messages through social media or other platforms from current or past clients. Current and past client’s should only contact me through the professional contact information provided on the website. Lastly, accounts may be managed by multiple people. Therefore, comments and messages are monitored by staff and are not confidential. |
The Communicate & Connect Podcast
In Communicate & Connect For Military Relationships, I provide educational tips for relationships, communication, and navigating military family life. AuthorHey, I'm Elizabeth Polinsky and I am a marriage counselor in the Hampton Roads area. Categories
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