Communicate & Connect
  • Home
  • Listen to the Podcast
  • services
    • Workshops & Retreats
    • Counseling
  • Questions?

Podcast Episode 016: Taking a risk on love

3/27/2021

 
***Trigger Warning: This episode briefly discusses history of abuse***
Is love worth the risk?

In this podcast episode, Elizabeth Polinsky interviews April, a military spouse, on her experiences of taking the risk on love. 

We discuss challenges of military family life and infertility, as well as tips for communicating and growing closer together despite obstacles.

IN THIS PODCAST

SUMMARY: 
  • Challenges of military family life 
  • Impact of infertility  
  • Tips for communicating 
  • Tips for overcoming obstacles

MAIN POINTS:

Introduction to April:
April is a military spouse, 23 yrs old, and has been married 4 years. Creating a life she loves with her husband has been one of the best things to happen. 

The Love Story: 
He was the server at a restaurant that she went to when celebrating her birthday. Her friends gave him her number and he called her. On their first date, they went running and hiking. He was three hours late to work because he didn’t want to leave their first date.

​She had a difficult relationship and had been in an abusive relationship prior. It was shocking how wonderful he was. She wanted to focus on the good that could be in her future instead of focusing on what had happened in her past. She made a conscious choice to invest in the relationship and move forward.

Picture
You want to actively show your partner your deep vulnerabilities because most partners actually want to jump in and reassure you and provide empathy.” -- Elizabeth Polinsky 
Challenges they faced over the years: 

  1. Long distance due to military life which exacerbates anxiety and depression
  2. Learning to communicate when long distance
  3. Health complications
  4. Infertility
​
They have been trying to have another baby for 3 years and this has caused a lot of pain. It has been one of the biggest hurdles they have faced. Especially because she wants to have a baby with her husband, the right person. ​

Not having your partner around can actually cause anxiety and depression symptoms because we rely on them for support; they are our home base for comfort and support." -- Elizabeth Polinsky  
April's tips for navigating challenges: 
  1. Communication is key--being honest and sharing your feelings 
    1. Men cannot be mind readers
    2. Opening up without blaming 
  2. Understanding our love languages 
    1. They have differing love languages which means that they don’t always get the message that their partner is trying to send
  3. Sharing vulnerable emotions
    1. When she feels sad, it often comes off as anger because she is more comfortable with anger than with sadness. 
    2. She has learned to explain to her husband that underneath the snappiness is actually sadness.
    3. Sharing vulnerable emotions helped them get through the infertility as well as help them bond and grow closer during that time period. It helped them feel on the same page.
  4. Have a regular meeting about the relationship
Picture
How to navigate a relationship when there are different love languages:
(learn more about love languages here)
  1. Show appreciation after a partner does something that is your love language 
    1. You want to encourage and show appreciation for what they are doing. The more you show appreciation, the more likely they are to do it (ie. positive reinforcement)  
  2.  Recognizing and accepting that their love language is different. 
    1. It’s normal for people to go back to what feels natural 
    2. Try to recognize when your partner is trying to show love even when it isn’t your love language
  3. Recognizing that it is my partner’s choice when to show love
    1. People often want others to show them love when they want it and how they want it. 
    2. Instead try to appreciate it when a partner chooses to show love to you
Book Recommendations: 
  • 5 Love Languages Military Edition by Dr. Gary Chapman
    • ​Download Liz's Date Night Guide for your love language here! 
  • Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
  • ​More book recommendations can be found here. ​
Sign up for Liz's FREE Relationship Email Course!!

Liz's Useful Links: 
  • YouTube
  • Instagram
  • Facebook
  • Linked In
  • Work with Liz
  • Listen to other Episodes
Podcast Sponsor: The Adventure Challenge  is a mysterious scratch off book of 50 unique and creative adventures. You don't know what you're doing until you scratch it off! The goal is to inspire connection in your relationships through adventures and fun.  There are 3 editions--one for couples, one for families, and one for friends. If you are feeling in a rut in your relationships  and in need of adventure, this is a perfect book to get out outside of your normal routine and into fun experiences aimed at bringing you closer together. To get 15% off the adventure challenge, go to https://www.theadventurechallenge.com/discount/CONNECT15 or enter “CONNECT15”.
PicturePhoto by SYLO Productions.
Elizabeth Polinsky is a marriage and couple therapist specializing in working with military members, veterans, and their families. Liz is located in Norfolk, Virginia, and provides online counseling services throughout Virginia, South Carolina, and Arkansas. ​

DISCLAIMER: 
My podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are general information for educational purposes only; they are not psychotherapy and not a replacement for therapy. The information provided does not constitute the formation of a therapist-patient relationship. You should consult your doctor or mental health provider regarding advice and support for your health and well being. I cannot answer questions regarding your specific situation. If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, you should call 911, report to your local ER, or call the National Crisis Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Nothing I post should be considered professional advice. The information in my 
podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not intended to be therapy or psychological advice. The podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not a request for a testimonial, rating, or endorsement from clients regarding counseling. If you are a current or former client/ patient, please remember that your comments may jeopardize your confidentiality. I will not “friend” or “follow” current or past clients to honor ethical boundaries and privacy; nor will I respond to comments or messages through social media or other platforms from current or past clients. Current and past client’s should only contact me through the professional contact information provided on the website. Lastly, accounts may be managed by multiple people. Therefore, comments and messages are monitored by staff and are not confidential.


Join the Newsletter

Get updated when there is new content for improving your relationships by joining the monthly Communicate & Connect Newsletter.

    We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time.
    Built with ConvertKit
    Sandy Wheeler
    4/4/2021 11:12:06 pm

    Love this one you are doing a great job!!


    Comments are closed.
      The Communicate & Connect Podcast
      In Communicate & Connect For Military Relationships, I provide educational tips for relationships, communication, and navigating military family life.

      Author

      Hey, I'm Elizabeth "Liz" Polinsky and I am a marriage counselor in Virginia Beach. I provide online counseling across the states of VA, SC, AR, and NV. 

      Looking for couples counseling? Schedule your free 20-minute consultation here. ​

      Categories

      All
      Helping W/ Mental Health
      LGBT
      Love Languages
      Marriage/ Couple Therapy
      Podcast Episodes
      Preparing For Marriage
      Welcome!

      RSS Feed

      Sign up for my newsletter.

        I'll respect your privacy. Unsubscribe at anytime.

        Powered By ConvertKit
        PRIVACY POLICY 
        TERMS OF USE 
        CONTACT
      Picture

      The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships

      A podcast devoted to explaining relationship science so military couples can thrive despite the unique challenges of military life. 

      Telephone

      (757) 354-1157

      Email

      liz@communicateandconnectpodcast.com
      PRIVACY POLICY | TERMS OF USE | CONTACT | COUNSELING WEBSITE
      • Home
      • Listen to the Podcast
      • services
        • Workshops & Retreats
        • Counseling
      • Questions?