Podcast Episode 26: Decision Making in Relationships

Who gets to decide in your relationship? This is the sixth episode of a series on Getting Ready for Marriage. ​In this podcast episode, Elizabeth Polinsky discusses the importance of being on the same page with who gets decision making power in the relationship and when. 

IN THIS PODCAST

SUMMARY:

• Power conflicts come from different opinions on who gets to make decisions. 
• 5 options for making decisions in relationships. 
• Topics to decide on together about who gets to make decisions and when. 

MAIN POINTS:
​
1. Why I am doing this series on Getting Ready for Marriage:
It’s wedding season now and I had a wedding photographer reach out to me asking me to provide some tips for couples getting married. I created an entire checklist for her with the things I think are foundational for getting ready for marriage and starting off your marriage on the right foot. If you want the checklist, you can download it here!

2. Recent story about decision making in my marriage: 
As you may already know, I am a marriage counselor in Norfolk Virginia, and also provide online counseling in South Carolina, Arkansas, Virginia, and soon to be Nevada. You can find out more about my marriage counseling services at www.ElizabethPolinskyCounseling.com. 

I have recently been thinking about going counseling retreats and workshops for military couples who aren't able to attend weekly therapy sessions sue to difficulties with their military schedule--whether they have rotating shift schedules, inconsistent schedules, or because they are going through workups or are soon to deploy. 

In thinking about starting to do workshops and retreats, I wanted to do a training on providing retreats but the cost was $3,000. I wanted to do it, and my husband wanted me to wait. This is where we get into decision making power in relationships and who gets to decide. The question is, do I get to decide this on my own? Or should my husband have a say on my business expenses? Couples face difficult decisions about who has decision making power and when in the relationship. 

There are no right or wrongs here--just different pros and cons for how you both decide who has decision making power and when" --Elizabeth Polinsky 

3. Having fights over power is a common relationship experience. 
People have different preferences for whether they or their partner get to make the decision on something--and what things should be  joint decisions. The problem is when this hasn't been discussed or agreed on, then it a can great tension when you feel very different than you partner on a topic. ​Another topic where this comes up a lot is parenting and different parenting styles -- who gets to decide what parenting style you guys will use and how you will discipline the kids? You probably want to be on the same page about this!

4. The PAIRS Foundation talks about a Powergram: 
They have a worksheet that covers 5 different options:  

• My decision only
• My decision with my partner's input
• Our decision equally 
• My partner's decision with my input
• My partner's decision only 

5. Topics to decide on together: 
It is helpful for couples to go through the Powergram options above or by using the worksheet to decide on the following topics: 

• Work hours
• Bed time
• Money decisions (See Episode 24 on Couple Finances) 
• Food and diet habits
• Parenting styles and discipline 

Action Steps: 
Download the PAIRS Powergram here! You and your partner will fill out the worksheet separately and then compare the results together. Use this to talk about where you guys had different opinions so that way you can come to an agreement and be on the same page!

Sign up for Liz's FREE Relationship Email Course!!

Liz's Useful Links: 

• Download the Getting Ready for Marriage Checklist here. 
• YouTube
• Instagram
• Facebook
• Linked In
• Work with Liz
• Listen to other Episodes

Podcast Sponsor: The Adventure Challenge  is a mysterious scratch off book of 50 unique and creative adventures. You don't know what you're doing until you scratch it off! The goal is to inspire connection in your relationships through adventures and fun.  There are 3 editions--one for couples, one for families, and one for friends. If you are feeling in a rut in your relationships  and in need of adventure, this is a perfect book to get out outside of your normal routine and into fun experiences aimed at bringing you closer together. To get 15% off the adventure challenge, go to https://www.theadventurechallenge.com/discount/CONNECT15 or enter “CONNECT15”.

Thanks for Listening!

Elizabeth Polinsky is a marriage and couple therapist specializing in working with military members, veterans, and their families. Liz is located in Norfolk, Virginia, and provides online counseling services throughout Virginia, South Carolina, and Arkansas. ​



​DISCLAIMER: 
My podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are general information for educational purposes only; they are not psychotherapy and not a replacement for therapy. The information provided does not constitute the formation of a therapist-patient relationship. You should consult your doctor or mental health provider regarding advice and support for your health and well being. I cannot answer questions regarding your specific situation. If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, you should call 911, report to your local ER, or call the National Crisis Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Nothing I post should be considered professional advice. The information in my podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not intended to be therapy or psychological advice. The podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not a request for a testimonial, rating, or endorsement from clients regarding counseling. If you are a current or former client/ patient, please remember that your comments may jeopardize your confidentiality. I will not “friend” or “follow” current or past clients to honor ethical boundaries and privacy; nor will I respond to comments or messages through social media or other platforms from current or past clients. Current and past client’s should only contact me through the professional contact information provided on the website. Lastly, accounts may be managed by multiple people. Therefore, comments and messages are monitored by staff and are not confidential.

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