Everyone has overwhelming emotions from time to time that impact their relationships. Learning to deal with overwhelming emotions can be helpful in terms of being able to get your needs met, but also in being able to have better communication with your partner. In this podcast episode, Elizabeth Polinsky interviews Jackie Schuld on dealing with overwhelming emotions in a marriage.
IN THIS PODCAST
Introduction to Jackie Schuld
Jackie Schuld grew up as an Air Force brat and now works as an art therapist and mental health counselor. Her specialty is working with clients who have overwhelming thoughts and feelings.
Individual mental health and the ability to deal with emotions is relevant to how people can navigate any of their discussions [as a couple].....it's directly tied to how someone can deal with their emotions." -- Elizabeth Polinsky
How emotions are related to marriage:
Emotions impact all of our relationships. A lot of times our emotions don't have much to do with the other person. Someone may feel angry because they feel their spouse isn't understanding them, but this may actually have more to do with their personal past of feeling misunderstood throughout their life.
We all have stories from our past life experiences. Then partners can do something that unintentionally trigger a story that you believe that has actually been more a theme throughout your life.
Why effectively dealing with emotions is especially important for military couples:
There is so much lack of control in military life, and this is a very unique struggle and emotional experience that military couples face that civilian couples don't face to the same extent. Many difficult feelings come up with that lack of control such as sadness, anger, anxiety, etc. Plus the frequency of overwhelming emotions is higher for military couples because they are constantly rotating through difficult emotions with the deployment cycle.
How Jackie Schuld teaches her clients to deal with overwhelming emotions
Jackie's approach to emotions is that needs are beneath emotions. For example, a need for understanding, connection, safety, etc. This idea is based on Marshall Rosenberg's non-violent communication.
When we have a feeling, underneath it is a need in our life. It is usually something you value. If you are feeling happy it is because your need for connection or adventure is being met. If you feel angry, it might be because your need for justice or understanding is not being met. One goal in communicating is to be able to slow down to talk about underlying needs.
Nonviolent communication is a theory of communication by Marshal Rosenberg If you want to learn more, you can check out his book called Nonviolent Communication. Check it our for some more techniques used in nonviolent communication.
It is important to recognize though that people are complex human beings and may have multiple emotion and multiple needs at the same time.
Steps to identifying your needs beneath emotions:
Example of needs include: shelter, protection, understanding, being heard, solitude, rest. You can find a longer list of needs here.
Tips & Take-Aways from Jackie Schuld
Working with Jackie Schuld:
If your want to work with Jackie or if you just want to check out her free resources on nonviolent communication, check out her website at www.jackieschuld.com .
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Thanks for Listening!
Elizabeth Polinsky is a marriage and couple therapist specializing in working with military members, veterans, and their families. Liz has offices in Virginia Beach, Virginia, and Fallon, Nevada, and also provides online counseling services throughout Virginia, Nevada, South Carolina, and Arkansas.
My podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are general information for educational purposes only; they are not psychotherapy and not a replacement for therapy. The information provided does not constitute the formation of a therapist-patient relationship. You should consult your doctor or mental health provider regarding advice and support for your health and well being. I cannot answer questions regarding your specific situation. If you are experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, you should call 911, report to your local ER, or call the National Crisis Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Nothing I post should be considered professional advice. The information in my podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not intended to be therapy or psychological advice. The podcast, blogs, videos, newsletters, and products are not a request for a testimonial, rating, or endorsement from clients regarding counseling. If you are a current or former client/ patient, please remember that your comments may jeopardize your confidentiality. I will not “friend” or “follow” current or past clients to honor ethical boundaries and privacy; nor will I respond to comments or messages through social media or other platforms from current or past clients. Current and past client’s should only contact me through the professional contact information provided on the website. Lastly, accounts may be managed by multiple people. Therefore, comments and messages are monitored by staff and are not confidential.
The Communicate & Connect Podcast
In Communicate & Connect For Military Relationships, I provide educational tips for relationships, communication, and navigating military family life.
Hey, I'm Elizabeth "Liz" Polinsky and I am a marriage counselor in Virginia Beach. I provide online counseling across the states of VA, SC, AR, and NV.